Iocum Fati - Part 4

After taking what had seemed hours to fall asleep, fatigue and especially the need to disconnect from all the emotions that were stirring inside him had prevailed on Rin, causing him to fall into a deep but troubled sleep. Blurry and scattered images had spread through his mind during the night, without him being able to put them in focus. The light of a fireplace, a moonless night sky, landscapes that he had never seen, unfamiliar voices whose words he couldn't catch. When he had woken up he couldn't remember almost anything of his dreams, but for some reason he was sure that those visions didn't belong to him, although he couldn't explain how it was possible.

The one who had brought him back to the real world was Kuro who, after several attempts to wake him up from his sleep by calling him and giving him small pokes on the arm, had sunk his sharp canines in the boy's hand. Rin had remained still for a moment, analyzing the sensation of pain that his flesh was sending him and trying to figure out where he was. He felt strangely numb. Then the memories of the day before had struck him without warning along with the usual bad feeling, but at least his mind had also come back clear and free from strange visions of the night. He sat up abruptly, staring at his familiar with eyes still clouded by sleep.

"Kuro, dammit! What the hell got into you? Why did you wake up like that?!" he exclaimed, rubbing his injured hand. "There are other ways to wake people up!"

'I'm sorry Rin, but I called a lot of times and you didn't answer me. I was worried!' Kuro explained slowly moving his tails. 'I was afraid that Satan had trapped you again. It's been a while since the last time it happened and I wouldn't like that he was only waiting for us to lower our guard. Moreover since Yukio isn't here we are even more vulnerable…'.

Rin let out a sigh, moving blankets away. It was true, it had been a long time since his biological father had come to disturb him in dreams. He hoped that maybe he had started to find it boring and was tired of doing it, but with someone like Satan you surely could never know. And then, knowing his sick mind, it was highly unlikely that he had got bored to haunt him. "I see, Kuro. Actually I did dream something weird, but nothing that concerns the bastard luckily" he muttered annoyed. Then his eyes clouded with concern. "Yukio isn't back yet? Don't you know anything about him?"

'Nothing, I'm sorry'. The creature shook his head. 'You still got that feeling?'

"Yes. Apparently it will go on tormenting me until my idiotic brother comes back. Last night, while you were asleep, I went to talk with Mephisto to get to know something, but of course there was no way to make him talk…He only managed to confuse me even more! The way I hate that clown when he plays his tricks!" Rin growled at the memory of how he had been deceived by the ambiguous words of the headmaster. That demon was absurd.

'Come on, don't get annoyed, you know him. Even Yukio can barely bear him and that tells everything' the familiar tried to comfort him. 'Now you've better hurry up and get ready. Don't you have to meet your mates this afternoon?'.

"Yes, but I can do it later. At the moment I have no desire to go out" his reply was. "Shima won't be around before one and I'm not in the mood to see Izumo and to put up with her bad temper. And I really don't know where Bon and Konekomaru could be. But I'd like to stop at Shiemi's…"

'Whatever it is you've better hurry. It's already half past noon' Kuro said noticing that his friend hadn't realized what time it was and pointing the watch with his tails. 'It's reason why I needed you to wake up.'

"WHAT?" the other exploded in fact jumping on his feet. He had realized only in that moment that the sun was already high out of the window and that its rays were touching his face, as if is was teasing him in turn. He had slept much longer than he had thought. "You could have just tell me! What were you waiting for?! I have to do everything in a hurry, damn it! I haven't even done the shopping!". And without waiting for an answer he rushed into the bathroom.

The familiar got out of bed with a jump, chuckling. Poor Rin, he never managed to do things slowly. But in a sense, being in such a hurry that day would be good for the boy because it would keep him distracted from the thought of his brother. He was also worried about the latter, even if he didn't want to admit to not put even more anxiety on his friend. He found it strange that the boy was being tormented by that dark presentiment, it wasn't promising at all. He only hoped that Yukio would get home safe and sound. He knew all too well that Rin couldn't live without him and that he could have never overcome his loss. But he was also certain that the exorcist was aware of this as well and that he would do anything he could to stay by his twin's side. The problem was that Yukio's possible could turn out not to be enough.

The rest of the day passed fairly quickly. Eventually Rin had to give up paying a visit to Shiemi for lack of time and he occupied all the free he had left to do the housework. Then he met his classmates in the early afternoon at one of the their favourite bars. Shima was all excited because he had found, according to him, the most amazing place in the world's most where holding their Christmas party and announced happily that they could go to see it already after their "business meeting". Listening to the pink-haired boy the place was big enough to accommodate about seventy people and, since the list of their guests didn't reach that number, they could have fun with the most bulky and flashy decorations. Bon had tried in every way to cool down his childhood friend's enthusiasm with many sceptical considerations, but the other seemed too sure of himself even to listen to what he was saying.

They had begun to discuss the type of decorations to use and Konekomaru had advanced the idea to bring a real tree, big enough to be memorable, and adorning it. Shiemi immediately liked the idea, although she was, as usual, too embarrassed to openly express her approval, but she timidly offered to procure it anyway. There was a debate on whether the suggestion was too stupid to be taken into account or whether it was worthy of a try, and eventually they had decided that it was fine. After all a Christmas party without a tree couldn't be considered as such. Izumo had taken the task of helping the other girl with the transport of the plant and the conversation had moved on.

Rin had followed all the threads trying to sound interested, but he couldn't really get himself to participate. Everything seemed to remind him that his brother was away somewhere and that probably he wouldn't have been at the party, and that thought spoiled what otherwise would have amused him and get him easily involved. He had mentioned only briefly to his companions that Yukio had left indefinitely for a mission, but they seemed to have realized that the fact had troubled him much more than he had shown, so the didn't ask questions and didn't comment about his poor involvement. The boy was very grateful for that and tried to intervene when he was asked for an opinion or an advice, but he was far too distracted to be able to pull out ideas that could help them.

Holding back a sigh, he moved his gaze away from his friends, focusing him on the busy street outside the bar window. He felt a little guilty behaving like that when they were finally doing something together again after all the tension that there had been as they came to know of his demonic nature. But his idiotic brother had given him too much to think about and he couldn't help it, no matter how hard he tried to direct his thoughts in other directions. Finding himself stuck like that, without the least clue of what was happening, facing his twin's and Mephisto's absurd behaviours, at the mercy of his damned bad feeling, it all left him stunned. It was really true that without that four-eyes he felt lost, he had had to admit it to himself, not without reluctance. 'You've better come home unharmed after all that you're making me go through, Yukio, because I'll send you to the hospital!' he thought angrily to himself. 'And woe betide you if you'll ever give a nasty surprise like this again! I'll make you regret the day you choose to become an exorcist!'

"And you, Rin, what do you think?". Shima's voice suddenly brought him back to reality, catching him completely off guard. "Don't you think that would be an absolutely fantasticidea?"

"Um, yes, of course!" he said trying to sound confident when he actually hadn't the faintest idea of what the subject of the sentence was. "Why not?"

"Oh, thank you, Rin, at least you understand me" his friend cried, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You'll see, we will make a great impression!"

"You guys are idiots, but this had already been clear for some time" Izumo ruled crossing her arms over her chest. "How could you even come to think such a thing? And it's not just because we don't have the money to put it physically into practice, but mainly because some idiot would end up getting hurt for sure."

The half-demon looked at her and then quickly glared at the others' faces, trying to understand what he had just said yes to, while the pink-haired boy tried to convince the girl that his idea, whatever it was, wasn't so crazy and dangerous as it might seem at first sight.

"Izumo is right, I don't want you to get hurt either" Shiemi interjected timidly. "I don't think that it is the case, guys…Rin, Shima, I understand that the idea can be pretty and, above all, exciting however, is a bit too risky."

"Er…c'mon, aren't you exaggerating now?" Rin stuttered without the security he had tried to put in the previous answer. "We fight demons! What can be so dangerous for us?"

"Exaggerating?" Konekomaru exclaimed. "Rin, we are speaking of explosives, and quite powerful ones! If you don't use them properly you could be serious trouble! Maybe not as serious as it is for missions, but this isn't a joke as well! And then does somebody care to explain what fireworks has to do with Christmas?! You shoot the at New Year's!"

"Fireworks?" the half-demon let out caught by surprise. He was ready for anything but he certainly wasn't expecting that the discussion had led to such a proposal. Damn, they were talking about tablecloths till few minutes before! However he immediately regretted his exit because all his companions turned to look at him. 'Disgraced at full blast! You are a genius, Rin…' he mentally scolded himself clearing his throat awkwardly. "Er…I mean…"

"Rin, do you even know what we're talking about?" Bon asked, raising an eyebrow, though of course everyone knew the answer.

"Um…I got distracted for a moment" he admitted uncomfortably, turning to look somewhere else. "I got lost while talking about decorations."

"We have changed the subject ten minutes ago" the other made him notice, not without a hint of irritation. Then without warning he added: "If you don't feel like you can stay here with us you should go, no one will blame you."

Rin looked at him, taken aback once again. Bon was right, there was no point for him to stay there with them if he didn't listen to them and didn't help in any way. However, even if he understood Bon's motives to send him away, he couldn't do as he was told because being with his classmates helped him not to torment himself and then he, a little selfishly, wanted to remain with them at all costs. Their presence gave him a bit of cheerfulness and a valuable pretext to try to think about something else that wasn't his twin. The problem was that he would have never admitted it aloud, even if it meant having to leave. He was silent a moment, thinking about what to do, but before he could bring herself to reply, Shiemi interjected.

"I think that Rin is here with us especially because he is trying to distract himself from his concern for Yukio" the girl defended him. "It's normal to be a bit distracted, we all would act like that if we were him. If we really are his friends we have the duty to help him". Then, seeing that her output had earned astonished gaze from everybody, she blushed and added, with less enthusiasm: "I see it this way…".

"Well said, Shiemi. If we have to be friends, let's at least do it in a decent way, otherwise it is useless to pretend we are" Izumo agreed with decision, making the other girl blush even more and surprising all the people presents once again. Usually she never expressed herself about that kind of issues and especially she never took anyone's side unless she was forced to do so or the situation was very serious. "And I'm sure Rin would do the same for us. So keep your head in the clouds if you must, even if I would prefer that you at least listened to us. "

The others couldn't help but nod to her authoritarian tone and half-demon shot a grateful look and a half smile at the two girls. He knew he could count on them, especially on the purple-haired girl. Although she was apparently always sullen and distrustful towards everyone, she had been the first who had chosen to trust him again even knowing that he was Satan's son. Besides it seemed that she had lately taken Shiemi under her protection for some reason, a clear sign that their relationship had evolved since they had met each other for the first time and that Izumo had softened, even if just a little. Although of course she tried in every way not to show it.

"Good! Now that we have clarified that matter, why don't we go and see the room?" Shima proposed breaking the strange atmosphere that had been created. "Allow me at least this since you have rejected en masse the fireworks."

"It's better if we do what he asks, otherwise he will stress us until we go and see that damn place" Bon stated getting up and grabbing his childhood friend by the arm, forcing him to do the same. "At least we'll get an idea of the spaces we have to decorate and of how we can arrange the tables and the rest. I hope it is really nice as you claim with so much enthusiasm, Shima… ".

"What am I telling you since when we sat down? Apparently Rin isn't the only one with his head in the clouds! Or is that, after we've known for a lifetime, you trust my judgment so little yet?" the pink-haired boy teased, laughing and earning a nasty glare from the other boy. "You'll love it, Bon, I'm sure!"

"Whatever! I'll decide when I get to see it" the answer was.

The two went on arguing and others quick followed them, making sure to remember to pay the bill. As they walked, Rin stayed a little behind watching his classmates. Konekomaru had run to walk next to his two childhood friends, while Shiemi stood close to Izumo, while listening to the other girl complaining about everything smiling with too much enthusiasm. He was glad to be with them, despite all the poor figures that he had collected in less than two hours. He felt at ease, accepted, understood. He could pretend to be a normal boy, with interest and perhaps a little complicated but normal life. His friends gave him that intimate family serenity in which he had been wrapped when he and Yukio still lived with Shiro, when he still didn't know who he was. Of course the atmosphere was very different from the one of his childhood. It was more eventful, unstable, outspoken, but just as warm and reassuring. And for that so normal atmosphere, that it was almost taken for granted for most people but certainly not for him, Rin would fight and would even give his life. After all he owed it to them as he did to his brother. He would have given anything to be able to keep them by his side as long as he could, and so he would do. And the consequences could go to hell.

At the end the room proved to be well above their expectations. It was located on the top floor of a building in the town outskirts and it was a huge and completely clear room, as if it was purpose-built to accommodate all the decorations and settlements that they had thought to prepare, including the giant tree. Konekomaru, Shiemi and Rin immediately showed themselves to be ecstatic about the place and filled Shima with compliments, and even Bon and Izumo gave signs of sincere appreciation. All that space seemed to have raised even more their creative enthusiasm and the group couldn't wait to get to work. Even the half-demon seemed to be more collaborative and cheerful. That would be the most epic party of their lives, they had no doubt.

The purple-haired girl pulled out from her backpack a big white sheet of paper and began to draw a map of the local. The others immediately gathered around her and started arguing rather animatedly about how it would be better to divide the various spaces and where to place the tables and the rest of the furniture. Shima wanted at all costs to have a disco dance floor, while Konekomaru claimed that the most important thing were the tables and the the food. Shiemi rather timidly tried to point out that the first thing they had to decide was where to put the tree so that it was in quite sheltered from the crowd to avoid unpleasant incidents. Bon instead kept insisting that they couldn't lose all the afternoon on the decoration of the room and that they also had to think about a program for the evening. Rin watched them fight without being able to fit into the discussion because, even when they called him into question, he was never given the time to respond, leaving him dumbfounded and a little amused by this absurd situation. Maybe everyone was really letting himself to be lead a little too much by enthusiasm,.

"Everybody, will you shut up, you crowd of noisemakers?" Izumo exploded at the end, after witnessing the chaotic and useless threads for a good ten minutes. Silence immediately fell on the room and everyone turned to look at her, taken aback. She seemed satisfied with the reaction she had obtained and spoke again, more calmly: "Talking all together won't lead us to anything. So, given that, as Suguro has rightly pointed out, we don't have much time, the best thing is that we divide the tasks and each of us worked on one aspect of the party, because if we are all on the same thing we will never agree". She waved some pieces of paper before their eyes. "Here there are the list of the things we need. Feel free to add more if you think it is really necessary, but remember that we are not rich". Her tone turned serious and imperious as she began to distribute the papers to her companions. "So. I, Shiemi and Rin will take care of the tree and decoration of the room, Konekomaru will go shopping for food, since he seems to care so much about it, and Bon and Shima, you two idiots, will take care of the organization of the evening with disco and everything you want. "

"Why do you have to decide what each of us must do?" Bon opposed, irritated by her authoritarian tone. "We are not your servants."

"Come on, Ryuji, Izumo is just trying to put a little of order!" Shima interjected cheerfullly. "Come on, everybody knows that she has a flair for commanding! Let's trust her coordination skills, it will make things much easier. "

"You must shut up, you're not impartial" his friend growled glaring at him.

"If you don't want to do as I said, it isn't a problem, Suguro" Izumo said coldly. "But, in this case, sort it out yourself."

"I didn't say I don't like it, but that there are different ways to propose something" he muttered under his breath. "We'll we do as you say, after all it is the most reasonablething."

"Good. So, if there are no other objections, I would say that everyone go to take care of his task" the purple-haired girl stated satisfied. "For now we can start by buying things, tomorrow morning we'll meet here and arrange everything. Then we will help Rin with the cooking."

Her friends nodded and, after having deciding the time of the meeting for the following day, Shima, Bon and Konekomaru left the room heading towards the town centre where there were most of the shops.

"We do what we do, Izumo?" Rin asked, turning to their "captain".

"Let's finish mapping the room and choosing the right spot where to put the things and then we can go shopping as well" was the firm reply.

The three of them sat on the floor and began a discussion, much more productive than the previous one, and twenty minutes they had a precise idea of spaces and an exact list of everything they would need. One finished that, they left the place in turn.

The streets were very crowded as usual on Christmas Eve, but the atmosphere was anything but stressed. Of course, the frenzy of the last shopping was almost palpable in the air that condensed in the cold breath of the hasty passers, but it was a cheerful, almost serene agitation, because all their thoughts were fixed on the idea of the beautiful day that would soon be spending with their loved ones. The three friends walked side by side on the sidewalk, lost in turn in the general busy atmosphere, but not without enjoying the views of the bright and decorated shop windows and the scent of sweet floating along the streets. Shiemi was ecstatic in front of the thousand colours of the lights of the trees and of the garlands hanging from the balconies and she walked humming a tune popular almost without realizing it, her left hand tight in Izumo's, who led them through the crowd, while her other arm was clinging to Rin's, who followed the two girls trying in vain to understand where they were heading.

The purple-haired girl dragged them from one shop to another for more than two hours, choosing with the precision of a satellite navigation system the places where they could find what they wanted, without ever missing a shot. Although they asked for the biggest items to be delivered at their place the next morning, the three at the end found themselves swamped by plastic bags, boxes and packages of every shape and size that made it almost difficult to walk down the street. But, despite few snags and some bickering about the shopping, it was a nice afternoon. It had been a long time since Rin laughed as much as he did on that occasion and he was so taken by what he was doing that his concern for Yukio had been fading, becoming just a distant shadow in the depths of his mind. Shiemi, for her part, seemed to have lost a bit of her exaggerated shyness and spoke more loudly. Even Izumo allowed herself some smart jokes and few sincere smiles while talking to her friend.

At the end of what had become a real assault on the shops in search of the most beautiful and unique at the cheapest prices more than a shopping session, the three decided to return to the room and leave there all their purchases, placing them in the small closet that had been supplied by the owner of the place, so that they were ready to be used the next morning. All three were a bit tired and dishevelled, but very satisfied with their work. The purple-haired girl let out a smug comment on the face that Bon would make at the sight of the masterpiece in which the room would be turned the next day, sure that the boy would never question her methods again, thus earning a grin of approval from Rin and a giggle from Shiemi.

After chatting for a bit, they separated because the girls had still to take care of the tree. The half-demon obviously had offered to help, but the two had firmly refused, saying that it was better if he went to rest and that he hadn't to worry because if they could do a great job on their own. He had tried to insist, but he had eventually to let loose and had watched them walked away, as they talked packed full of God-knew-what, until they had disappeared from his view. He had remained still for few minutes sitting on the steps that led up to the entrance of the building, enjoying the pleasant sensations that the afternoon had left him, before his mind turned back to darker thoughts.

He finally decided to get up and move towards the dormitory. Certainly Kuro was waiting for him and he also had to cook dinner. He snorted frustrated, kicking a pile of snow placed on one side of the sidewalk. He had never felt so stupid in his life. Was it possible that such a simple situation could make him go that crazy against any reasonable reassurance? It wasn't the first time that Yukio had gone on a mission while he had stayed at home. What was the difference from the other times? Well, in the first place he always knew where his brother was going and especially what he was doing, at least in a vague way. It was that damn lack of information that tormented him, it was pretty obvious. Secondly, he had never experienced some kind of dark presentiment while his twin was away, a feeling that among other things reminded him the chills of he felt every time that their biological father was near. Was it possible that Yukio's mission concerned Satan? He didn't even want to think about it, and then his brother would have surely told him. Or maybe he wouldn't to prevent him to follo. He muttered between his teeth a few insults against that idiot that was his brother, and also against himself. How couldn't he have realized that before? The Mephisto's reluctance should have been a warning bell. But he hadn't noticed, because he was lost in the last, not so insignificant details that made that particular occasion differ from the others: his twin had never kissed before disappearing into thin air. Rin felt a slight warmth colouring his cheeks. Double damn to that idiot. Him and his absurd ideas. He sighed. He had no right to take it on Yukio. For sure if the phone hadn't rung things would have been different. The kiss would have been there anyway, but at least he would have known the reason for that absurd gesture.

'Damn Mephisto, always coming up at the wrong times! You could have waited five more minutes!' he found himself thinking, aware that his curses were empty and meaningless. But he had to blame someone or he would have had a nervous breakdown.

He had arrived at the dormitory almost without realizing it. By now he knew the way so well that he covered it almost automatically. He stared at the building, suddenly losing the thread of his thoughts. For a moment his vision blurred and he felt a strange sensation of fear invade him, together with the overwhelming urge to flee away. He ran inside and up the stairs as fast as he could, stopping only when he had closed the door behind his back. He stood motionless for a moment, his shoulders resting against the wood, panting and listening to that sudden terror slipping away quickly as it had arrived.

'What the hell…?! Shit, even panic attacks now?!' he thought to himself, closing his eyes and breathing to slow down his heartbeat. It all had happened so suddenly, for no reason, and it had overwhelmed him with huge force. And yet it all had seemed so…alien. Just like the dreams he had had that night. 'What the hell is happening to me?'. Maybe it really was the bastard of his father who was playing him those tricks taking advantage of the fact that Yukio wasn't there. After all his brother was the only one who able to understand when something was wrong with him and he always managed to get Rin spit it it out when he would have preferred to keep it to himself because not to show weakness. How many problems that system had prevented! But now his brother wasn't there and the thing, considered in the light of Satan's possible involvement, was almost frightening.

'Rin, are you okay?'. Kuro's voice startled him.

The boy's eyes widened, taken aback, and his eyes met worried about her familiar. "Oh, Kuro…Are you crazy?! You gave me a heart attack! It is already the second time today that you use the totally inappropriate methods with me!" he groaned, but he visibly relaxed. "Are you mad at me or something?! Don't tell me you're jealous because I think more about Yukio than about you!"

'Don't talk nonsense, Rin' the almost offended answer was. 'I'm worried about you. You've been acting strange since Yukio is gone. And something tells me that it isn't only for that bad feeling that is tormenting you. Anyway, this time I haven't done anything wrong! I just called your name! You can't blame me!'

"Ugh, okay, you're right. Sorry, I had no right to attack you as I did" Rin muttered defeated, moving away from the door and walking towards the kitchen. "My nerves are on edge lately."

'Really? I hadn't noticed!' the creature commented sarcastically slowly waving his tails. 'Why don't you tell me what gives you so many thoughts? I could try to help!'

"It's nothing, really. Actually, it's a more than stupid thing if we want to be precise."

'But you can't get it out of your head, which means that it is not that stupid.'

"Exactly." The half-demon get off his jacket resting it on the back of one of the chairs and grabbed his apron. "Even if I told you what it is, you wouldn't know for sure how help me, so I prefer not to humiliate me for nothing."

'Do as you want, but, if you want my advice, as far as the question is stupid, you'd better find someone who can help you with the topic and discuss it with them' the familiar said nestling on the table. 'Otherwise you may go crazy for real.'

"That's what I was planning to do" the boy said stopping the hair with his usual clip. "And maybe I already know who I should turn to. I'll talk to him tomorrow night at the party. And, Kuro, get off the table, I've got to cook there. "

Kuro, not without an annoyed puff, did as he was told and went to sit on one of the chairs. 'I really hope that this person will help you, Rin. It isn't good for you to remain so tense. It's bad for your self-control' he stated seriously. 'But I guess that this speech only raises your annoyance, doesn't it? Well, let's change the subject then. How are the preparations for this famous party going? Are you getting on well?'.

Rin smiled as he launched himself into his description of the afternoon as he began to prepare dinner for both of them. That was what I loved the creature, he always understood his moods without forcing him to express them aloud and he had the right words for every situation. And, most importantly, he knew how far he could pull the rope without breaking it. The cat-demon returned his smile with a cheerful expression and waved his tails. After all there could be all the secrets of this world between them, but it wouldn't have influenced at all the complicity they shared. Because their relationship wasn't made of words, but of shared sensations. There was no need for rational thinking, emotion was enough.